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You do NOT need to be nice!


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For the 2nd time, dear husband (who has dementia) let a strange woman use our guest bathroom. I keep an old trunk full of small antiques there and for the second time, a woman stole something out of the trunk. (Not the same one) The maid and I have explained to my husband not to let people in the house but he is Mr Nice Guy and forgets. 

We live in Riberas but I expect this particular gang moves around. You do NOT need to be nice. You do not need to let people use your bathroom or roam around your house. The stolen items were small but they were things I liked. And they were mine. 

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Being kind to a stranger, then getting burned; does not reflect badly on you, but on them. 

I'm sure we have all had bad experiences, but the odd time, someone may have really appreciated the kindness we showed.

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I'm sorry this happened to you, MtnMama. It's quite the violation and so sad that you were a target.

I used to have a shop in town here in Sayulita.Every day someone would walk up my stairs with some sob story about how they needed money. Usually some relative with cancer, supposedly. Perhaps some were real, but I suspect most were scammers. The ones that really disgusted me were the ones who borrowed a baby to get some sympathy. 

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There is a guy who makes the rounds in our fracc and I'm sure many others. He claims to be looking for a work and offers to do anything, ie washing cars, etc. His ruse is to get in and then scope the place out to rob it. We lost the "nice" a long time ago (insert joke here) and just politely cut it off and close the door. We're fortunate that you can't see anything from the gate so he seems to have given up on us. Our gardener warned us about him as he's pretty well known in the community. You can be nice, but that doesn't mean you have to let uninvited strangers cross your threshold.

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A pox on people who take advantage of others.

I removed my doorbell. I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone and I don't answer the phone if I don't know the number. If someone is insistently banging on my door, I send out the advance troops to investigate. Their barking usually settles the matter and the vultures move on.

I don't know how big the trunk is but, wouldn't it be great to store your antiques elsewhere, and put a wooden skeleton in the trunk.

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I used to try to be polite to those folks who came in my shop asking for money- I just said that I'm very sorry their uncle has cancer, but that I have 3 grown daughters and 6 grandchildren and any extra money I might have would be used to help out my own family. 

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56 minutes ago, Jreboll said:

You use exactly the same tactics that my sister-in-law used to use(she passed away).  She was always watching out for the relatives from D.F. Who would drop in unannounced looking for a weekend place to stay.

Ha--that has happened to me--Living in San Jose ,CA-  sometime around 1995 - a relative  from Mexico shows up from the ranch--wifey dispachted him immeditly- I was not told the details and smart enough not to ask--

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13 hours ago, MtnMama said:

For the 2nd time, dear husband (who has dementia) let a strange woman use our guest bathroom. I keep an old trunk full of small antiques there and for the second time, a woman stole something out of the trunk. (Not the same one) The maid and I have explained to my husband not to let people in the house but he is Mr Nice Guy and forgets. 

We live in Riberas but I expect this particular gang moves around. You do NOT need to be nice. You do not need to let people use your bathroom or roam around your house. The stolen items were small but they were things I liked. And they were mine. 

I feel for you with your husband. You probably researched all information but, there are several YouTube that are of help. My best advice and I have seen it too many times the spouse loves the their husband or wife. Caring for someone with dementia can drag your health down also. Give it some thought. Good luck. 

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We had a speaker phone with visual installed at the entrance, and when the doorbell rings, we answer with the question:  who is there? Since you can't see inside from outside, that makes things simple.  It was a good investment.

For the telephone, we don't answer unless we have the number in our list.   Since we also have an answering machine, any legitimate caller can leave a message asking to be called back.  Unknown callers hang up.

However, I do understand the difficulties of having a spouse with dementia and can well understand her problem.  I, too, suggest she move her things elsewhere than the bathroom.

 

 

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I have several friends who are caring for spouses for souses with  dementia and I believe that unless you have been in the same situation  you cannot understand how difficult it is.. It is one of the worse thing I have witnessed.. The daily stress is way up and the conflicting feelings the spouses have are really difficult to fartham.. You have my sympathy MtnMama.. I took care of my husband who had become handicapped over 4 years and that is nothing compared to people who take care of senile spouses..

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 A couple of suggestions:  one is the obvious--install cameras if you can. The other is to get the Ring doorbell (Costco had them the last time I was there)I or do what we did:  get the knock-off version on Amazon. We bought the Aosu which wasn't that cheap, but boy does it give a nice, clear picture and has a feature to record if someone tries to disable it. If someone should show up again, you might still lose an item but you'll have a recording of who that person was and can take it to the police (ha, ha, yeah I know that won't do much good) or you can circulate the photo. Neither is a cheap solution but they do work.

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A woman came to our gate with flowers and wanted to visit my land lady who was very sick. I thought the woman was a friend of hers so I let her in. She robbed my land lady who was too helpless to stop her. I felt so guilty. It was a lesson for me.

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17 hours ago, MtnMama said:

..... I have explained to my husband not to let people in the house but he is Mr Nice Guy and forgets.

My friend, you know we know each other, and we've talked about your situation before. I sympathize with all you're going thru'..... been there, done that.....and that's the only reason I'm putting this forward as something whose time may have come.

I had to step in and do many preventative steps when my loved one's memory could no longer be trusted. So I suggest you keep the doors locked at all times, with key where he can't find it. That way if doorbell rings he can't let anyone in without you or maid assisting. If he's home alone.... tough.

OR.... put a secondary bolt of some kind way up high which hopefully he won't remember to use..... so again he can't get the door open.  Good luck, and take care of YOU so that you can continue to take care of HIM.  Abrazos

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17 hours ago, MtnMama said:

For the 2nd time, dear husband (who has dementia) let a strange woman use our guest bathroom. I keep an old trunk full of small antiques there and for the second time, a woman stole something out of the trunk. (Not the same one) The maid and I have explained to my husband not to let people in the house but he is Mr Nice Guy and forgets

It is useless to explain something like that to a person with dementia, they forget everything you tell them , maybe your husband is not at that stage yet but he will be there so take preventive measures..

I do not know if any of you remembered Camille who lived on Ocampo-- SHe had asenile husband who insisted in stealing her undies , clean or dirty and would escape to sell them on the Ajijic plaza.. I remembr he would escape  from home on a regular basis , she then pit him in a home and he would escape from there too.. A real nightmare There is a lot of differnt types of senelity so everyone caring for a senil patient had different problems but they all have the results of driving the caregiver insane..

 

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1 hour ago, bmh said:

In our case I disconnected the buzzer and took the battery out of the garage opener . People who know us call before coming so we just do not open the door.

I would suggest that you remove the buzzer completely. Many bad guys use the buzzer to see if anyone is at home. A "no answer" could trigger further, not so good action on thier part!!!

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I have dogs and alarm and a neighbor who has a nice shotgun and checks the property on a regualr basis every day.. He is a caretaker of another property and supervises the gardner here and is a friend so I am not worry..about it.   I usually do not answer th ebell unless I am expecting a package and have been doing so for the last 20 years.. I am not too worried.

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2 hours ago, Jreboll said:

My grandkids wear these Apple locator devices on their wrists. I don’t know if they function in Mexico but if I ever develop senile dementia I’d like to be wearing one.

Yes they work in Mexico. I prefer to wear mine on my right ankle to balance my gait since I have an ankle bracelet on my left that the Federal Marshals gave me. 

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22 hours ago, Jreboll said:

A Mexican family would never, ever allow a stranger inside their house.

When I was in Havana, I stopped outside a window of a house to listen to the music they were playing in the living room. When they noticed me, they stopped playing and invited me in. They gave me some orange juice and introduced me to brother, mother, sister, everyone. We had a good time, a very good human time.

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