TRUE NAMES: A Compendium of Unfortunate Appellations

Compiled by Reba Mayo
(The names haven’t been changed to protect the innocent.)

 

times-forumThese are from the Florida birth registry published in the St. Petersburg Times:

Lemon Ham, Ima Rose, Cigar Stubbs, Bonnie Bowlegs, Winnie Mac Pough,

 Texas Moon, Emancipation Proclamation Cogshell, Okla Homa Mills,  

Toyota Corona, Maria Collier,   Crystal Chandelier, Chickenbone Robinson,  

Bright Berger, Butz Vasoline, Lewis Cherry, Dacquiri Sour,  Teflon Smith, 

Silver Ware and these unfortunately named twins: Frick and Frack,  

Null and Void, Syphyllis and Gonorrhea

While these names are not particularly strange, many seem to have a special significance to a bearer’s livelihood:

Rusty Pray writes obituaries for the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Gordon Dogood   is an embassy employee in India.

Edward Playfair   is on the Olympic Pin Committee.

Cathy and Steve House are architects specializing in Residential Design.

James Burns is Chief of the Jersey City Fire Department.

Amy Freeze is a meteorologist.

Terry Madonna is a political analyst. (Does this bear a resemblance to the Hail Mary pass in football?)

Attorney Eric Conn subject of a 60 Minutes report on a hugely successful scheme that defrauded Social Security Disability

Cheryl Verity, the British nanny who falsified her qualifications and practiced antiquated and possibly dangerous child rearing practices denied everything in court..

Jeremy Crook, a Brit accused of defrauding stockholders, is resisting extradition to the U.S. American authorities are set on very public humiliation by forcing him to do a perp walk in handcuffs and leg-irons.

Eugene Profit runs a mutual fund from Silver Spring, Md.  Really?

Tax counsel Joseph Henchman

Storm Dunlap is the author of “The Weather Identification Handbook”

Chris Landsea hurricane researcher

Cornell Goldsmith, jeweler

Raymond Jungles is a landscape architect specializing in tropical gardens.

Quentin Bacon is a food photographer.

Michael Pollen (Pollan?) wrote “The Botany of Desire”

George Forrest, early 20th century botanist

Karen Slaughter writer of crime fiction.

Dr. Shipp a marine biologist reporting on sea creatures affected by the  unrestrained oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico

.Writer Amy Webb author of “How I Hacked On-Line Dating”

Aviation is a rich source:

Juan Trippe—President and founder of Pan American Airways

Sally Ride—First American woman in space.

A man named Thrasher attacked a flight attendant on a plane about to land in Philadelphia.

In the wake of the civilian quest for space, a paying guest has already forked over $20 million to go to the space station and more people are lining up for space travel. Now Mark Shuttlesworth wants a ride.

To Be Continued

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