We All Get Old In The End

Courtesy of Christy Wiseman

pinocho

 

* I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

* Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. 

* You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?  That’s common sense leaving your body. 

* I didn’t make it to the gym again today. That makes five years in a row. 
* I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”.  I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. 

* Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation. 

* The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.” 

* I don’t have gray hair;  I have “wisdom highlights”!  I’m just very wise. 

* If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees. 

* Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet. 

* Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway? 

* Of course, I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. 

* At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I came in there.  

* Actually I’m not complaining because I am a Senager.  (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad.  I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car.  The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.  And I don’t have acne.  Life is great.

(I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names. Now, I’m wondering...did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?)

 

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