We All Get Old In The End
Courtesy of Christy Wiseman
* I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
* Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
* You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
* I didn’t make it to the gym again today. That makes five years in a row.
* I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
* Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
* The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
* I don’t have gray hair; I have “wisdom highlights”! I’m just very wise.
* If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
* Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
* Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
* Of course, I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
* At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I came in there.
* Actually I’m not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne. Life is great.
(I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names. Now, I’m wondering...did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?)