Why I Think I Should Go To Heaven

By William Franklin



Not everyone gets to go to Heaven. Some go, some stay home. Since Wuhan I’ve been working on my eligibility and I think I’ve made real progress. For example, since I no longer can go outside, I feel like I’ve cut my sins in half. And while shut in I watched that show on Netflix called The Keepers about those priests at a girl’s school. After watching that I realized I had no idea how really good I was. If you haven’t seen it, well, it’s unspeakable what a certain hot shot priest did to the one nun who called him out for his badness. Next to that guy, I’m good.

And I think I should get to the promised land before Richard Nixon gets to. He kept the war going so he could get reelected. Imagine getting GI’s killed for votes. If he’s sitting in a kind of celestial halfway house waiting for his chance, he should wait a little longer.

I think John Brown of Harper’s Ferry fame should get in before I do. Stalwart he was and he knew a good thing when he saw it and like Bernie, he wouldn’t compromise. Yep, if John Brown bounces in before me, I’m all right with it. That he was considered a trouble maker in his day, well hell, so what?  He actually believed in biblical tenets, much more than I do and way more than a couple of priests I watched on Netflix.

I think Yang, the candidate, should maybe get in before I do. He came up with the idea of a thousand Yankee dollars for every American and he ran for president on it while people shrugged. A thousand monthly in every pocket seems like a good idea now. Yay for Andrew Yang. He deserves every Heavenly break out there for being prescient.

I can’t believe how guilt-free I’ve felt these last weeks of doing nothing. I grew up with a workaholic mom who made me feel guilty if I wasn’t working in some cornfield every day after school. That we didn’t have a cornfield made no difference. I was not to be idle. Those were the days when parents didn’t trust TV and would ration it. You couldn’t watch all the Milton Berle you wanted or stay up late all the time for the Steve Allen show. The symbolic, ever present, ever demanding cornfield was waiting to be tended somewhere.

Now, watching TV is our civic duty. I’m finally fitting in.

In the new world, which we’re starting, it’s not going to be great for Boomers. Until there is a vaccine, people like me are going to be stuck watching Better Call Saul over and over with some Weeds and Breaking Bad and Ozark and all that thrown in.

I won’t be doing the Twist out in public anymore and no more jitterbugging at reunions. Young people and folks with exposure immunities will keep the world turning and my generation will have to lay low. Though the mind doth make heaven hell still, I didn’t really want to see all these wonderful surfing, volleyball playing, partying young people as Corona threatens every time I go to the store. This may be the first bullet my generation isn’t able to finesse. Yikes!

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