Why Men Are Seldom...Depressed

SELDOM DEPRESSED

 

Men Are Just Happier People—What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put/Wedding plans take care of themselves/ Chocolate is just another snack/You can never be pregnant/You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park/Car mechanics tell you the truth/The world is your urinal/ Wrinkles add character/Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100/People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat/A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase/You can open all your own jars/Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack/Three pairs of shoes are more than enough/Everything on your face stays its original color. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife/You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache/You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Men Are Just Happier People!

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get the bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man can forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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