LIFE ONGOING—Just a Cup of Coffee

By Christy Wiseman



In last month’s article, “One is a Lonely Number,” I wrote about what it is like for one survivor in a committed relationship when that relationship is no longer existent. What happens after the dust settles is often interesting and sometimes fun.  For me it was my son Greg’s reaction to having a mother who was/is facing the world as a single after being for decades, half of a partnership.

My daughter-in-law, Jenny, is a wonderful beautician and has her own little shop in Reno, Nevada.  When I’m in town I always go to her, get a good hair-do and chat. On one particular visit she asked me what I had planned for the afternoon.  I told her I was meeting a gentleman for a cup of coffee.

Some time later my son called and told me his wife was busy that evening and could he treat me to dinner.  Sounded fun and we went to a nice restaurant and the chat began.

“Mom, I know you’re lonely and Dad would want you to be happy, but you need to know that there are problematic men out there.”

“Son, it was just a cup of coffee”

“I know Mom, but you need to be very careful”

“Son, I lost my husband, not my common sense. BUT, did I tell you he could cook?  What IF he came over and fixed me a lovely dinner and I said, Thank you for the lovely dinner and now you should probably go home.  Would that be O.K?”

“Sure, Mom, I guess so.”

“Well what if I said, ‘That was a lovely dinner and breakfast wasn’t bad either and NOW you should probably go home.”

“Mother!!!  - You’re grossing me out!!”

“I have a solution, dear son. Why don’t we agree to keep our private lives private?”

My son, heaving a sigh of relief, agreed.

That settled I went home only to receive a protective note from my brother:  it read: Hi Sis, One of the difficult things about losing a mate is the lack of intimacy.  Aside from your coffee date, there are so many criteria that you need to apply to possible relationships all of which you’ll need to be aware of and also be very critical (not to be obvious) of the following people to avoid…  My own comments are in parenthesis.

1. No druggies, no alcoholics, ever, period! (Darn, sounded fun.  I’d make a such a great co-dependent!)

2. No sexual or mental diseases (Well, if I notice...)

3. No religious zealots.

4. No liars, period! (So much for good story tellers and I love a good yarn.)

5. No criminal activity - including lingering tax issues.

6. No friggin’ deviates: LGBT’s, pedophiles, etc.

7. No morons (Now there’s a vote of confidence!)

8. No fantasizing liberal shit-heads. (Too bad, they’re fun and plentiful around here.)

9. Nobody with income below yours.  (Katy, bar the door!)

10. No sociopaths, and of course, no psychopaths (Politicians are thus out - Doesn’t that come under #4?)

11. No slovenly types, including ‘compulsive collectors of junk.’ (Wouldn’t I have to get into their houses to find out about that?)

12. No gung-ho hunters or ‘gun nuts.’ (Darn.  I like to hunt.)

So pick what you can live with, and don’t be too hasty and don’t be dismayed if the one you pick, doesn’t return your feelings!  

From your brother who loves you.

I wrote back that I’d placed the ad, but think my phone went dead.

With all this protection, I may just be single for the rest of my life, but I will feel well-loved nonetheless. My conclusion: If I ever have just a coffee date again, I’ll keep it a secret!

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