Ain’t Life Grand!

By Another Poor Luckless Soul


What a morning......
 8:00 I made a snowman.
 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
 8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest.
 8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.
 8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
 8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on.
 8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : “Yeah, if it’s up your ass”
 8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.
 9:00 I’m on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult weather.
 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
 9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.
 Moral: When it’s this cold, stay inside.

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