[Intercasa]

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go a long.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway..
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

[WillieBrandt]

[EEK!]

Hey, cool! I hate getting old. I have hearing aids now and when the battery gets low they beep. I get confused and think it is my heart pacer battery. EEK!

[seewee]

Hey, cool! I hate getting old. I have hearing aids now and when the battery gets low they beep. I get confused and think it is my heart pacer battery. EEK!

THAT ONE GAVE ME A GOOD LAUGH!!!!

[Intercasa]

The only danger is when jogging some can easily get black eyes.

[Ferret]

Good ones Spencer!

What do older women have between their breasts that younger women don't ?
....................................
..............................................
................................................... their navel!

[roxelle]

Love it, you guys!!! Thanks for the upbeat and clever posts. To me, humor is the most creative of all gifts we have to share with each other. Gracias!!

[roxelle]

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, “I can guess your age.”

The man doesn’t believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.

“Pull down your pants,” she says.

He doesn’t understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, “You’re 84 years old.”

“That’s amazing,” the man says. “How did you know?”

“You told me yesterday.”

[RVGRINGO]

All the old geezers (as Lori calls them) at the local rest home are given Viagra before bed time every night. I keeps them from rolling out of bed and hurting themselves.

[Oatsie]

When I was young I carried a condom in my wallet - now I carry a hearing aid battery... AND I'm not kidding ! ! !

[hensley]

My husband carries a personal card in his wallet so he can find his way home.

[woodeye]

Great posts and what a wonderful way to start the day . A smile a day keeps the wrinkles away .

[gravy]

Three old pilots are walking across the airfield....

first one says "windy today "
second one says " no, it's thursday....
third one says " I'm thirsty too, let's get a beer

[traveler]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN.............

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

[border crosser]

An older couple was sitting at a bar. The husband turns to his wife and says "see that poor old couple sitting down at the end of the bar, that is probably the way we are going to look in ten years." The wife replied "you do realize that is a mirror at the end of the bar don't you!

[RVGRINGO]

RV! I'm too saintly to think like that! ............. Then again the label does warn of possible side effects for up to 4 hours.........

Golly gee, Lori. How do you know what the label says? But then, I can't see any wrinkles in your pretty photo.
I'm shocked!