Welcome to Mexico!

By Victoria Schmidt

 

email cartoonOne day recently, I arrived home after spending a lovely afternoon with friends to a terrible surprise. They changed my email program. Well, not just mine. Everyones. They’ve been threatening to do it for weeks now with a nasty little pop up in the corner telling me about their new look. What’s wrong with the old look? I liked the old look. A message comes across my computer screen and forces me to look at their changes. I look. I’m not thrilled, or even amused.

The first thing I do is try to get rid of the ugly white background and those stupid yellow labels. What is this circle stuff? Why do I have to have a profile? If I wanted a friends list, I’ll use my Face Book account! I go to the account and change all the settings about posting and responding to posts. No. no. no. Why can’t my email, just be email; my phone a telephone, my computer a computer?

I think: I’m getting older. This is proof. I am growing more and more resistant to change. One friend is disgusted with me because I do not have an iphone. OK, I don’t even like carrying a cell phone, but I do not want an iphone, or a “smart phone.” I keep telling people I’m too dumb to use a smart phone. And no, I don’t need an ipad either. What I really need is a button I can wear that says “iDon’t.”

“Older people are resistant to change.” I’ve been told that my whole life. Now I must be getting older, because iDon’t want to carry a device that has a manual larger than the device itself, and iDon’t want a phone-camera-internet-access-calendar-gps-with-999-apps device!

My nephew, Godson and tech wonder talked to me the other day.  He has done away with his telephone completely. He does everything through his computer. “But I called you! I left a message on your voice mail.” I whined. “Right... I get the message on my email, and I call you back on my computer.” He explained. Frankly, iDon’t want to know!

The longer I live in Mexico, the more I want life to be simple. I want a telephone I can answer and hold onto. All it has to be is a telephone. I have enough problems with the people who haven’t even learned to press “end” at the end of their conversation—essentially leaving the telephone off the hook. Remember the good old days when your call was disconnected when the handset hit the cradle? No, they had to improve it, and they took that simple device and complicated beyond most adult comprehension. I say this because any 10 year old can run any telephone.

In this case, iDon’t want my phone to be a computer and vice-versa. I want my laptop to be that. On my lap. I want my desktop on my desk. iDon’t want anything else. Now I hear that they are coming up with an iWatch. I don’t know if it replaces a telephone, but as a senior citizen, why would I want to wear a gadget on my wrist that is so small to read!

The use of these cell phones has increased beyond belief. Sitting in our doctor’s office yesterday, six people sat on the bench across from us. Five were on their cell phones. People take these things to meetings, lunches, dinners, parties, and to work. They use them when shopping, driving, and even while they are mixing with other friends. Emily Post is rolling in her grave.

Yes. I am old.

 

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