THANKS, BUT NO THANKS
She was usually the first one to greet my arrival and always with a big
smile. But this
morning I was sitting by the fire, drinkíng my first cup of coffee, before I
saw my
goddaughter. Immediately I knew something was wrong. Her face was sad. For a
few
minutes she didn’t say anything, and then as large tears came to her eyes
she asked if she
had offended me in some way.
“Anita, of course not.” I put a consoling hand on her shoulder. “Why would
you think
that?’
“But, madrina, why would you send me a letter?’
A letter? I had recently sent her a thank-you note. On my visit the week
before she
surprised me with a set of lovely napkins for my tortillas. She had
colorfully embroidered
each one with different fruits and flowers and crocheted the edges in a
variety of patterns. Of
course, I was very moved and thanked her profusely. Then, as is our custom,
of wanting the
thanks to measure up to the thoughtfulness and appreciatíon of the gift, I
also sent a note.
I explained that I loved the napkins and wanted her to know, and so sent
her a note of
thanks. ‘But why would I be angry?”
‘Well I don’t know. I knew you would like the servilletas but, no one ever
sent me a letter.
I didn’t know what it meant.”
When you’re learning a new language, one of the joys is finding the word
that is familiar,
a word you already know, can pronounce, and there is a direct translation.
Seemingly the
Spanish word “gracias’ is one of those joys. We use it numerous times a day;
and when
someone says, “gracias” we know they’re saying thank-you.
But in Mexican Spanish, the word “gracias” is not a direct translation of
“thank-you”. lt
holds worlds of meaning. Underlying all forms of thanks is a system of
interchanges that are
meant to define, continue, or terminate the relationship.
In casual encounters people will say ‘gracias’ when you do a small favor,
buy something
from them, or let them pass in front of you. lf you give your housekeeper a
gift of clothing or
food, she may respond “gracias”. This ‘gracias’ is a casual form of courtesy
and indicates a
distance in the relationship with no further obligation.
You may notice that when you give someone a few coins, in lieu of
‘gracias,” they most
often respond with, “Que Dios se lo pague.” Yet, you will also hear ‘Que
Dios se lo pague.”
when you make a large charitable donation. This is the manner of thanks from
someone who
has no way of repaying you. He is asking that God repay you.
Then there are times when you give a friend what you would consider to be
nice gift, and
her reaction might be to utter an almost inaudible, “gracias”, or nothing at
all. You may
overlook your friend’s lack of enthusiasm, but there is an underlying
feeling that she didn’t
like the gift, or perhaps you have done something inappropriate. You’ll
wonder, why the
thoughtlessness in this normally very courteous, formal culture?
When you give a gift to a friend, be it a birthday present, a hostess gift,
or something
you’ve brought back from the states, don’t expect that she will respond
enthusiastically. Make
no mistake, this is not ungracious or a lack of interest. Your friend is
thrilled to receive your
gift. Be patient.
Eventually she will respond with a gift or favor that is (in her mind) of
the same value or
higher than what you gave. This is not oneupmanship or an issue of thanks.
Rather your
friend is telling you that she holds your friendship in high regard and is
doing her part to
maintain the bond. lf this is an on-going relationship, as evidence and
reaffirmation, you must
eventually reciprocate with another gift.
This is a case in which you can say gracias, but isn’t nearly enough, and
won’t be
interpreted as thank-you.
|